respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
it was like eating out sand paper
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
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