I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
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