When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
I just blew my weed a kiss
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
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