Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
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