You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
Reggie can tackle my bush.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
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