It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
Randomize
