I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Randomize