Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
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