I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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