jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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