the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
My balls are so social today.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
