every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
People with herpes should wear stickers.
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
My bed smells like the plague
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
