Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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