I can text with my tongue
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Randomize
