Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Randomize
