I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
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