If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
a search helicopter?!
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
Randomize
