Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
