you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
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