I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
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