he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
