Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Two words: nipple clamps
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