I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
Porn is love you can see.
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
I FOUND THE LEGS
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
Randomize
