You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
