i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
What drink are we having for lunch?
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
