On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
Randomize
