My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
How external is "for external use only"?
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Randomize
