Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Randomize