I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
