I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Randomize
