it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
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