so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Randomize
