He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
