if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
