My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Randomize