Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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