im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
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