The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize