Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
Randomize
