So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
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