I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
