its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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