New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Randomize
