you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
babies were throwing up all over the place
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Randomize
