dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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