we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
