Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
splinters make it hard to masturbate
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
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