I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
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