so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
