dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
Gay?
German.
Pity.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
Randomize
