did you get engaged???
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
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