So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
It was confusing and full of hummus
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
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