Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Randomize
