I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
im six kinds of drunk right now
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Randomize
