hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
false alarm, still single
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Randomize
