Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Randomize
