you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
Randomize
