I wish my penis had an off switch
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
