In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
