Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
I think my fart just growled at me.
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
I FOUND THE LEGS
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
Randomize
