It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
I could have mohawked her pubes.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Randomize
