you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
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