I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
