I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Randomize
