I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Randomize
