I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
just won 30 on black! Ok adicteddd! Never coming back gqmbeqing is easy.
now my debit card is betting 1k whoops. im gongk eh be rich!!!
whoops didnt work. think the gambeli mashine is busters!! now im betting 2k?! bad idea?
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Randomize
