So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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