Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
Randomize
