Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Randomize
