I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
Randomize
