I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
Randomize
