Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
