either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Randomize
