all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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